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.. hammering in my skull ... about things I couldn’t change. My own impotence. And drinking only drove me further inside. I wanted to be there for Josh, to let him know that he was supported, but I’m an adult.It was Cassie who invited him to church with us a few weeks after the incident. I was surprised when he accepted the invitation. His father declined, saying that he found comfort in the Methodist Church and didn’t feel inclined to change. He was not going to discourage his son from going, though.Church service led to Sunday dinner together. Just after school let out, I took him up in my little Cub. It’s not the most intimate place to have a conversation. Even though we were isolated, it was noisy. When we landed, Josh smiled at me and for the first time, gave me a hug. Then he was gone again.Independence Day week was a time of quiet celebration for us. I finally got Don Whitaker to go up in the plane for a bit and he came down as peaceful as his son had.“I can see why you love. .. so ... bad," she panted, her eyes still glistening with unshed tears.'I know' I silently soothed as, still cupping her head, I used my fingers to gently massage her neck until she relaxed a little more. It pained me to meet her gaze. Already she was learning to trust me and yet I could tell by the look in her eyes that she felt I had betrayed some of that trust. Squaring my shoulders I knew I had to finish this soon or she would break and it would all be for naught.Looking down I noticed that at some point after I stood up she'd moved her left foot almost completely off the dot."Have you had enough?" I asked coldly. I could feel her shaking her head no against my hands, but still felt completed to offer one last time, "There is no shame in quitting now." I did not come here to quit," she managed to gasp through still clenched teeth."Very well," I replied, once again looking down."Then lets just make sure that can't happen again," I continued while gently nudging her foot back into.
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